“20208updateB_www.lumaxart.com” by Scott Maxwell.
One fact of life that we often have trouble dealing with is conflict. It’s all around us and takes on many forms. Luckily you’re an intern learning how to deal with people in an environment you’re not used to, so this is a perfect chance to thicken your skin and practice conflict resolution. See this in a positive light and you will get value from this frame of thinking which can make dealing with difficult people much easier down the road.
1. Chill.
Chances are the thing you and your colleague or supervisor are butting heads about isn’t actually that big of a deal in the long run. Being present and realizing what is truly important in a moment is key. “…b-b-but he didn’t let me bring my messy and pungent lunch into the archives…” Tough luck, that’s too bad. Getting hung up over things like this is going to distract from your important research and conservation efforts. Keep calm and carry on. When you can master even just this first tip, you’ll maintain your focus and continue to produce results despite the conflicts or disagreements you experience.
2. Think of what’s prompting the other person to clash with you.
Maybe they’re having a fantastically awful day--happens to the best of us; maybe they’re ill; maybe their own work is overwhelming them, and they don’t know how to remedy it; maybe they ate something spicy and gross and they just can’t handle it. Who knows! But remember to be empathetic. It’s possible something is bugging them that doesn’t really have to do with you. Nobody says or does anything to you that isn’t a direct reflection of how they feel in a moment. That said, be considerate and respectful always, it’s the right thing to do.
3. But be real here…think of what YOU do which produces or encourages conflict.
Even if you’re a person who positively despises confrontation and petty disagreements, even over little things, you can still create conflict. Really? Yes really, even if you never intend to. Maybe you were a little bit of a brash-Billy and lost your cool in a meeting; maybe you’re too quiet and aren’t responding to your colleague in a way that is reassuring to them; maybe you’re being too relaxed about an important research deadline, and your supervisor is getting worried by your laxity; maybe you’re way too intense about your work and your passion is blinding you to the needs or opinions of others in your workspace. Whatever it might be, you need to remember to evaluate what kind of space your own behaviour is creating. This isn’t a prompt to become self-critical to the point of stifling yourself. Rather, it’s about just trying to be an accountable person who thinks in terms of how they’re affecting others.
4. Talk it out and be authentic.
Instead of shutting down or engaging in avoidance behaviour, speaking about disagreements with others is approaching the situation openly. When you externalize your feelings by speaking, it can defuse tension and make a resolution easier, if done correctly. This is an extension of the accountability idea from # 3. Depending on how well you keep calm and think about where the other person is coming from regarding the issue, this can go very well. You like authenticity, right? You like when others are honest with you, and show that they want to make things better? Everyone else is exactly the same. Here’s an example:
Let’s say you and your internship supervisor had a bad miscommunication about what your research aims should be for the next three to four week, and the results ended up being poor. Instead of thinking “How can I assign blame to him/her for being a poor communicator?”, sit down with them and explain what you think went wrong initially. Instead of focusing on them as a person to blame, they will be far more open to sharing their concerns and thoughts with you. Knowing their perspective is important because it can indicate how they’re feeling and what you should do to make it better. Once you get good at this, you can learn to read the signs of when conflict might arise and be able to resolve something before it even becomes an issue. After all, prevention is the best medicine!
5. Lose an enemy, gain a friend.
This sounds ominous because being an intern isn’t being a warlord. It’s quite the opposite. You don’t make ‘enemies’ when you’re doing a research project—that’s silly. Sometimes little bits of quibbling and disagreements are just part of the unease resulting from people meeting and them misunderstanding each other. Be nice! Who knows, you might make a friend out of somebody you clashed with. Even though you’re an intern who only knows this person in the temporary context of your placements, you can still cultivate chummy vibes with them that can make your placements more fun, engaging and productive. Once you overcome conflict with each other, you can be happy that your diplomatic ability created a favorable outcome.
Learn how to respond better to others and you can have them respond better to you. This will make your experience as an intern far more rewarding because you’ll be taking away experience in real-world interpersonal relations, along with all the practical experience from your placement-work.