Please raise your hands who among you heard something like it doesn't matter what others will think or follow your passion and don't mind the others. You, you, you. It's all about you.
That is a lie. And I'm going to tell you why.
Warning: if you live in a cave, by yourself, with no interaction with other human beings - this article doesn't apply. Please stop right now.
For all of you who kept reading, I'm guessing that you do have interactions (a lot of them) with other human beings. That could be at work with your bosses and colleagues, at home with your family, in your neighborhood, in the club, pub, school, bus, etc.
See where I'm going? How are you supposed not to consider what other people think or do if you live in society?
Could you really simply dismiss everything (perceptions, actions, words) about everyone who is close to you?
We are social beings. And as social beings our actions and perceptions impact each other, directly or indirectly. Whether you like it or not.
I once heard from a proud young analyst that I was advising: I'm authentic and genuine. The way you see me behaving is the same way at home or work. My question: Is this authenticity or stiffness? If you are not capable of acting adaptatively in a different context, it seems to me you are being just rigid. Being genuine does not mean that you shouldn't change at all.
This is just dumb!
Social interactions have distinct boundaries according to social protocols which were based on shared meanings and values throughout history. There is a thin line between being "authentic" and being rude, or inappropriate.
This is why we don't talk about one identity, but multiple ones with different hierarchies according to social identity theory (you can read Sheldon Stryker if you want to know more). So, when someone tells you just be yourself, the first question you should ask is which 'self' are you talking about?
As odd as it may sound, we have several identities, and they are all intertwined. That because our social behaviour is organized via symbolic designations, including which positions people hold in social structures. Let's translate that.
For example, myself(s): I'm a professor, father, husband, amateur tennis player, volunteer, consultant, etc, etc, etc. Do you see? I have multiple identities, and they will be evoked (e.g.going up in my identity hierarchy) accordingly. When I'm having fun with my kids in the playground, I'm a father, not a professor nor an amateur tennis player. This identity (father) goes up on top of all others for that moment.
That does not mean I am not myself! Only means I'm performing according to the social context. Alanis Morissette's song I'm a bitch is a clear portrait of this topic.
So, I would be cautious when people say to you don't mind the others, it's all about being yourself. Don't ever forget that we live in society, what others think does matter.
Careful not being swallowed by the extremist individualist mindset wave that some "gurus" are propagating as the new mantra for happiness.
Being happy with others is better than being happy on your own.
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This article was originally published on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/fallacy-behind-its-all-you-rafael-chiuzi…
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